Losing a Grandmother

[Gary]

I just found out that my last remaining Grandmother passed away last evening. She's been sick for a long time, so it was not unexpected, but it's still rough to deal with.

For the first time in my life, none of my grandparents are alive. It's hitting me in a very strange way to realize that I am actually middle-aged. Having friends in my age group becoming grandparents themselves is something that rather reinforces it (all kidding to them aside).

I just got off the phone with my mother (it was her mom that passed) and she is understandably upset, and I wish I could do more, but she lives many hours away and even being there I would not be able to do much, but phone calls seem so impersonal at times like this.

Grandma lived a long time. She was 89 and spent most of her life on a farm. It was not an easy life, but she had that midwestern strength that so many of her generation that grew up in Iowa had. I only hope to have half the strength when I am her age and facing my own impending mortality.

[el Gusano]

You and your family will be in our prayers.

[Warkitty]

My condolences. I went through that last year. Its.... odd.

[bignana]

I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers are with you.

[joedog]

Gary you and Star are in our thoughts and prayers

[Dreamwebber]

I too am sorry about your grandmom. I know what you mean about approaching the age when you start to lose your closest family members. My parents adopted me later in their life and they were the youngest in their familes. So, I am now down to my mom and sister basically and a few cousins.

It's tough to look at life and know that you and those you love are not immortal.

[Longshot! [ Saint ]]

I will simulate sympathy as best I recall the emotion, and I mean that. I do seem to have a vestigial semblance of Empathy though, so that should do the trick.

I grew up with one set only, one pair having both died by age 7. My mother is the last of her line--well, was anyway. (You're welcome, Mashot!) and the grandfather is the one they believe I was cloned from. (He was described as eccentric and irritable, as well as a gun enthusiast and voracious reader. Go figure.) He was an engineer for the Erie Pacific Railroad. The surviving grandparents were farmers, descended from ranchers and initially trappers and hunters. Textbook professions for Traditional Families. I named my firstborn son after their hometown for the joy they brought me, and they were my first representation of familial love; they also were the first to 'humanize' my father in my eyes, because it was the first time I saw him act subservient to anyone else, the first of many wordless lessons that revolved around 'respect'.

My grandfather had what was a cousin to Alzheimer's, but was actually a clouding of the memory rather than its destruction. Intense emotion gave him moments of clarity, etc. His health was failing along with his mind, so naturally my grandmother died unexpectedly first, and did so in the hallway of their small Minnesotan home before she was discovered a day and a half later when one of the kids stopped by to check on them. She was an amazing woman, about 4'9", who raised 9 children (one died shortly after birth) shortly after the Great Depression. Grampashot! was...a skyscraper. Accordingly, his death 7 months after his wife of 57 years was the family equivalent of losing its own Twin Towers.


Besides the cathartic value, the reason I've typed all this is that I can relate to the extremely humanizing effect it has to lose ones that are close to us, yet we are aloof of; Grandparents share a special niche, at least with our generation, because while they are now effectively parents more than grandparents to grandkids, to us they were something from the Olde World that has always been there, and always shall be--right on par with the sun, the sky, the dusks and dawns. Losing them shakes faith in ourselves on some level, and constricts our perspectives just that much more in regards to our own mortality and longevity.

It is a 'big deal', Gary, and I'm glad it hits you like this or you'd be less of a person for it.

I'm watching my own father age now, a happy grandfather, and it makes it all the worse for me...but I am happy in the knowledge that I'll get my turn, too, with any luck... And hopefully, I can be the 'familial standard' my own grandparents were too, as the cycle begins again.

Life is many things, but it is rarely boring if you're paying attention. And when your not, Life tends to clap your head between two bricks.


Again, I am sorry for your loss.

[staffsgtsbunny]

*hugs*

[frogkissinglady]

Gary, sorry for your loss...I know how hard it is and I also know that when you lose someone, the last thing you want is for other people to tell tales of their own losses, after all, this is about your loss, not theirs. So, I won't go into details of how I know how you feel and other stuff, just remember to never forget the person you lost, always remember the good times you had and hold on to those memories with all your heart. Even pass them on to other family members if possible. They may have left in physical form, but your memories will keep them living forever in spirit!

[Racin' Angel]

Sorry to hear that Gary, if I can do anything just let me know.....

[Bob]

Gary, as said by everyone, if we can help, ask.

[serendipity]

Sorry to hear that. You and your family will be in our prayers. Value the time you had with her.

[Babs]

Gary...my sympathies. One of my grandmothers was very special to me. About 15 years ago, I was going through a dreadful time. One night I dreamed I was walking through the house and my grandmother walked up to me and told me it would be fine and it would pass. Sometimes I think a little of them live on.

[Gary]

Thank you everyone. I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers.

[Longshot! [ Saint ]]

I do not remember actually typing anything I said above, but I'll take what I can get.

[Lori]

Gary... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I too have one remaining Grandmother, who I unfortunately do not speak with much since my fathers accident last April. I wish that would change.

And while I cannot fathom the loss you feel for your Grandmother, I can understand 'loss' in general.

My dad is still comatose (ten months now), and while I know he is still here, it much of the time does not feel like it

[Sherry]

My thoughts and prayers are with you guys - so sorry for your loss.