It happens.

[doodle]

"I'll just ask Mom"

Twenty years ago this Nov.

I share in your reflective grief

[Bob]

My dad died in 1999, I still pick up the phone to call him when something cool happens I know he would enjoy... Figure its Gods way of telling me I need to talk to Mom.

[Justin Thyme]

Mom passed away on Christmas Day of 2001. Not a week goes by that I don't have one of those teary moments thinking about her. A friend recently lost his mother and asked me how long it took before the hurting was over. I don't know, it seems that I'm still hurting nine years later. I've just learned to accept that pain is a part of the joy I also have when I think of her.

[Bob]

The pain never goes away, we just learn to deal with it better over time.

[JC]

lost my Mom this past new years eve. for me the pain has gotten worse these past few months.
She loved jokes and laughing. nobody was more fun to pull tricks on or poke fun of then her.
Id give anything to see that "damn it, son" grin again

[NewsShooter]

My mom passed in 1977, Dad in 1981 ... both of cancer. The saddest part is that I'm having a lot of trouble remembering what their voices sounded like.

[Warkitty]

You have those too, eh? My dad took Grandpa's old films, some photographs and and made 4 vhs tapes of family history. That was back before DVDs were the rage, and he's done even more movies since then of the family. Every year we get the Christmas DVD of the year rather than a letter.

I'll tell ya. I've lost adoptive parents and still miss them desperately and think often how much I'd like to share XYZ with Bocca, only to remember she's gone. I can't even begin to deal with the thought of losing the one's that raised me or birthed me. There's also at least one member of the forum that knows how much a wreck losing my grandma was. I wasn't fit to drive home after getting the news for a couple hours.

[NewsShooter]

I had the Super 8's transferred to video 15 years ago. But unfortunately, they both died before video was available to the masses. There was ONE reel-to-reel tape with my mom's voice on it. A tape my brother used to send "voice letters" back and forth from Vietnam. But that tape was lost decades ago.

I guess I'll have to wait til the pearly gates to hear them again.

[snarkalicious]

April 29, 1996-and I still think about my Dad every day.

[justme]

May 3, 2006. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of my Mom. She died of breast cancer complications after fighting a heroes fight for 6 years. I miss her so, so terribly. After I got past my incredibly brilliant teenage years, she became a very smart lady.

I used to call her on my cell phone after I left work every day (after I got through all the lights and was on a straight shot) and talked to her all the way into the driveway - about everything and nothing. The first few times I picked up the phone out of habit to call her after she died, I nearly had to pull over on the side of the road.

On my first birthday after she died, my daughters were going to surprise me with a bday cake (my husband spilled the beans). My Mom was a baker and made the best cakes - I nearly lost, driving down the road, sobbing and saying "no cake, no cake." He understood, but I'm certain my husband thought I was losing it.

Some days its ok, and some days it comes back just as fresh as the day she died. I miss her.

[msminx811]

It's been almost a year since John lost his mom, and though she and I only spent time time face to face for one week during my entire relationship with him, I talked to her at least if not more than twice a week. I wished I could call her about so much stuff now and get her opinion or tell her about all the stuff that is goingon and then realize it was with her passing that so much became open. It is one of hose things like I wish at times I could call Tess too and chat about one thing or anotherand It's been 5 1/2 years since she passed.

[ScarlettP]

Stop being so morbid! Do you really think your lost love ones want you to be miserable every time you think of them? True, you may miss them, but try to remember only the fun things, smile at those memories again and then pass them on. That is the best way to keep those that you love alive in your heart and in the memories of others.... Remember them for the joy they brought to your life. Not the sadness. Love and Joy live on forever.

[BlackFox]

So it goes..

[Justin Thyme]

This isn't about morbidity as much as it is melancholy. I have much more happy memories of my mother and every thought of her does not turn me to sadness. Last night my brother and I were ragging on each other about who made better cornbread. It lead to his wife pointing out that we both learned to make it from our mother which lead to discussions of her various recipes. It was a happy time remembering her. There may have been a little sadness in our realization that we would never taste some of her dishes again but the overall part was happiness in remembering our time spent with her.

I don't think any of us contributing to this thread associates sadness with our lost loved ones but we all experience those little bittersweet moments of seeing something and wanting to share it but remembering we no longer can much more often than we would ever have thought. That's what we are talking about here, not reveling in our grief.

[Warkitty]

My sister Lucy passed just a few bare months ago really.

It still isn't real to me. Heck, I still try talking to Bocca and DadNeal (her parents... my "adoptive" family, long story but some folks you wind up family to despite genetics, who raised you, location, etc... ) Bocca passed over a decade ago, and I still want to go visit with her, tell her my problems and get her advice... I want to go watch the Vicar of Dibley with her because I just know she'd LOVE that show. As for Lucy, I am so happy she's out of pain and finally at peace but dammit I miss waiting for her to do something else crazy, insane, passionate or otherwise just frustrating as heck so I could pretend it doesn't bother me.

Remember the joy and laughter? Sure I do, along with the frustration and pain (at least where Lucy is concerned). That doesn't stop me from being surprised, saddened and confused when I suddenly realize she's not there to answer an email, or that Bocca isn't there for me to go sit with and talk religion with or watch stupid TV shows with. It doesn't stop me from starting to try to call Grandma to ask how to cook something, only to remember she's not there anymore to tell me. It doesn't stop me from wishing I could ask Grandpa for financial advice, or about his research into our family tree, or just to talk to about his travels across the world and to hug and kiss. It doesn't mean that the last time I went to Babcia's old house I wasn't horrified by the fact that she wasn't in it, she wasn't there on the back porch waving "so long!" as we left. It didn't even smell like her anymore, but her voice is in my head sometimes, and I hear it in my own voice sometimes too. Each time I do, I celebrate their having been part of my life, but it's a bitter-sweet celebration because I'm also wishing they were still here.

[joedog]

Last night I had one of those moments. I was having a bad night (don't ask) so I was watching America's Got Talent to unwind and that little girl sang Ave Maria. My mothers favorite song. Yea I cried a little but as she sang it was not I wish Mom could hear that I got the message Mom wanted me to think about it and just let it go.

Thanks Mom I miss ya.

(sorry for the watery eyes coffeeshooter)

[TNBear]

Doctors killed my mother in October of '93. The best thing about that was that it freed me (in my head) to move from California. Dad was then in a facility due to Alzheimer's, he made it till March of '96. Dad would have turned 102 next month, Mom 91 in December. I miss them terribly, but there's not much I can do about it. Either one would happily appear in this world to kick my ass if I allowed their passing to affect my life in a negative way.