Forty is the new Thirty

[Warkitty]

I find this highly annoying.

Ok, I had a few hot flashes as young as 35. Not often, not a lot, but a few. I've had night sweats of and on for years now. No biggie, women often start getting some of these things several years before The Change. Lately I've had more symptoms and recognize that I'm the same age my Momma was when she started going through it. I figure I'm pretty open and honest about these changes being a natural part of the aging process.

So why the heck is it that if I DARE say to a contemporary or younger friend that the insomnia I've been dealing with lately is "a symptom of aging and a normal part of menopause" do I almost always wind up with them babbling about "you're not that old, I know people in their 50's that are soooo fit and healthy!"

What the heck does that have to do with anything? Is it because everyone else seems determined to think that at 40 they have the same abilities they had at 20? Ask Lance Armstrong, at this point even a year makes a difference. I didn't say you can't be physically fit or even super impressive at age 50. I'm not saying that someone 70 yrs old isn't capable of outrunning me or lots of 20somethings. I'm just saying that *I am aging* and part of that is going through this phase in my life. Why the HELL do I always get some twit trying to argue with me as if I should pretend it isn't happening? Why is it so many seem so darned determined to get me into a sick state of denial of the facts of life?

Now, I know some of y'all are older, some are contemporaries... and a lot of us "feel" pretty much the same today that we did 20 yrs ago. Are any of us really foolish enough to believe our bodies are equal to the same torture we put ourselves through back then? Can we dispense with this foolishness about 40 being the new 30 or whatever and just start accepting our age?

There. I've vented. I feel much better now.

[robynau]

Amen. Thanks for giving me a chance to make my first post to something I totally agree with. The twits won't be arguing when it starts happening to them. I guess it's THEIR denial. Hell, there's no denying when it starts happening to you. Like being fit and healthy has a darn thing to do with changing hormones. Wrong!

I think "the hangovers hurt more than they used to" pretty much sums up the difference that 20 years make. Might as well accept aging, nothing is going to stop it.

[Justin Thyme]

WK, your honesty about aging and what you are going through makes them address those facts in their own lives. You are doing all the right things, though. You understand that changes are a part of life and you adapt to those so that they least impact your lifestyle. That's something I learned about ten years later than I should have and I'm paying for it now.

My problem was that when I was 38 I managed to fall on ice skates and throw my back out bad enough that it took several weeks to recover. I let that stop me from doing some of the activities I had been doing because "I was too old to be doing that stuff anymore." That became a self fulfilling prophecy. I stopped being as active, started putting on weight and began to get old. The weight caused excess wear on knees and the lack of activity caused problems in my shoulders. Those problems caused me to slow down more and I then discovered I had high blood pressure.

This all started from my lack of acknowledging that some things had to change but nothing needed to cease. In fact, I should have started working harder and just resting longer rather than sitting down in that rocking chair. Now I've got a deep pit to climb out of but I know I can climb out of it. I'll probably never be able to keep up with you on a bicycle and the knees are probably too far gone to run a marathon but that doesn't mean I don't run and it doesn't mean I stop riding my bike. I just allow for the changes in my life and shoot to be as active as a couple of older gentlemen that I've met lately when I'm their age.

But to get to all that I had to be honest with myself on both what my age really meant, both positives and negatives. My downfall started in first not recognizing I needed to make allowances for my age. That lead to a surprise injury which had me putting undue limits on what I could do at my age.

However, forty is the new thirty and seventy is the new fifty. Attitudes have changed a lot over what activities one can continue to do as one ages. Even though Hugh and Daisy are out of commission for a bit I know they will spring back and be leaving me in the dirt again before long. People their age didn't do that when I was in my twenties. The do it now, lots of them. They just need to remember to make allowances.

[Warkitty]

Oh I know I'm being realistic and approaching things "right" in order to sustain my lifestyle. That's not the issue. It's the folks in denial that get all up after me with the "you're not 81, there's X, Y and Z (people) who are in their (insert post-retirement age) that are still kicking ass..."

Is it that impossible for people to hear "Well, I find as I age that...." without reacting as if I'm about to go buy myself a walker? Can these people not accept that there is a middle ground between young/nubile and old/decrepit?

[LimitedRecourse]

Change you can REALLY believe in.

[Warkitty]

LOL Indeed!!

[Jay]

Aug 2, 2010 8:10:16 GMT -5 Warkitty said:

So why the heck is it that if I DARE say to a contemporary or younger friend that the insomnia I've been dealing with lately is "a symptom of aging and a normal part of menopause" do I almost always wind up with them babbling about "you're not that old, I know people in their 50's that are soooo fit and healthy!"

Maybe they're just trying to be nice?...

[Warkitty]

Or maybe they're idiots

[Justin Thyme]

Can these people not accept that there is a middle ground between young/nubile and old/decrepit?

Yeah, lack of nubility does not equate to decrepitude. I found Stychen to become much more attractive to me as we passed by the child bearing years. Maybe we now have more time to appreciate each other.

I will age and I will find a need to moderate some activities but I will not get old.

[Warkitty]

That must be it. It's the word "old" that turns on recorders in people's heads of what "old" means.


I don't mind the word "old." I don't see "old" as meaning "ancient, decrepit, dusty, incapable" or whatever else people translate it to, so I don't mind saying "I'm getting older." Justin apparently doesn't like the word and hence says he "won't get old" but to age is ok.

Interesting.

[Justin Thyme]

I have no problem with growing old. It's getting old that I want to avoid. One is the natural progression of things while the other is a defeatist attitude. I wouldn't trade being younger if it meant giving up the experiences.

[LimitedRecourse]

Aged....like fine wine.

[Jay]

Aug 2, 2010 15:54:47 GMT -5 Warkitty said:

Or maybe they're idiots

In my opinion, thinking of them as just being nice sure beats thinking of them as being idiots.

[Justin Thyme]

When I was thirty and was asked for my ID I took it as a complement or that someone was just being nice. At thirty-five it started to seem just a little condescending for someone to pretend I looked young enough to be carded. At fifty it is downright condescending and the person is an idiot.

[Jay]

Aug 3, 2010 13:25:57 GMT -5 Justin Thyme said:

At fifty it is downright condescending and the person is an idiot.

Unless it's the law and everyone has to be carded...

[Justin Thyme]

Aug 3, 2010 14:07:24 GMT -5 Jay said:

Aug 3, 2010 13:25:57 GMT -5 Justin Thyme said:

At fifty it is downright condescending and the person is an idiot.

Unless it's the law and everyone has to be carded...

In that case the law is an idiot and the idiot carding me wouldn't be an idiot if they didn't act like they were doing so because I look so young.

[Jay]

Maybe they're just trying to be nice?...

[Bob]

The registers demand they enter the age because their boss thinks they're idiots (and some of them are) The smarter ones, just ask for my birthday because they know its silly for me to dig out my license for that one piece of information.

[Warkitty]

Guessing my age at five years younger than actual is sweet. The ones that annoy me are the ones that are obviously lying when they say they think I'm younger still.

[duke]

Based on the first post it seems the the real irritant is that people in their responses appear to be calling you a liar in an off handed way. And by so doing are questioning you integrity and character.

Of course getting old is hell, but I find I like it better than the alternative.

[RuneDeer]

I also hear WK say that it would be nice to have an actual dialogue on the subject. To me, their replies sound, not like denial, but like someone saying "Not interested, TMI, don't wanna hear it." To me, that's rude. It's not like you're giving them an "organ recital." You're just talking about something that's happening. It would be more respectful for them to ask "Does it happen more frequently now?" or "Are you trying out different meds/supplements?" Something. But people do that. Rather than really listening, they go for the quick-fix answer. If you talk about feeling sad, they ask why you're not seeing a therapist or taking St. John's Wort. The art of conversation is long gone, unfortunately.

[duke]

Deer, very true.
Some people may view the dialog as a request for a cure while feeling inadequate to meet the challenge.

If warkitty continues to try for reasonable dialog, sooner or latter, she will find one or more persons who will be more attentive and supportive rather than combative.

[Warkitty]

Actually, it's not a dialog about what I'm doing for symptoms that I lack. That's what my moms are for. It's the almost instinctive denial that seems endemic to saying anything has to do with aging. Like the friend that refuses to accept that her aging will affect her athletic potential. Like the person that sparked my ire the other day responding to my simple "there is no cure for this symptom, it's a part of being female and growing older" immediately responding with a rather defensive "hey, you're not 81 yet" because apparently admitting you're getting older in his mid-twenties mind is the same as saying you're crippled or something.

Our culture is so focused on being young or appearing young that it's become knee-jerk to assume anyone saying anything about aging is either feeling sorry for themselves rather than simply being happy with where they are and honest about it.

[ScarlettP]

Welcome to the club, sister. Personally, I wish everyone didn't keep the 'symptoms' of menopause such a deep, dark secret. I MIGHT have recognized that I had a problem long before it got as bad as it did. I didn't HAVE hot flashes. My "Monthly Visitor" is still as regularly unpredictable as it ever was. I suffered terribly from depression and mood swings. I just frelling thought I was turning Bi-Polar or something. It got so bad that I didn't leave the house unless I had to because I was afraid of acting 'crazy' in public. - Considering that I'm far from normal on the best of days, that's a big fear. I was giddy one moment, screaming or crying the next. I would be verbally abusive to people for no apparent reason and even though half my brain was screaming "STOP THAT! You're over reacting!" - I just couldn't bring myself under control. It wasn't until the Once-every-other-week morning crying jags started coming two or three times a week that I FINALLY took the hint and started researching Menopause. There were all kinds of symptoms that I had never heard of, but realized I was experiencing. Really strange stuff like feeling imaginary bugs crawling on your skin. (That one is caused by dry skin.) I constantly was trying to remove a stray hair that was tickling my arms or legs but was not THERE. My friend suggested Estroven. It has made me WAY more 'normal'.

Technically, at 48 Aunt Flo is still visiting me so I'm not actually Menopausal yet. But my hormones are still wacked out without some help. If I forget my pill even ONE day, there is hell to pay. At least the family has learned to steer clear of me on THOSE days when I do forget, and the day after because it's not an on/off switch.

Women of a certain age need to get over this fear of growing old and revel in it. We're not becoming useless or unwanted, we're just becoming better seasoned. If we would TALK about it more, others wouldn't fear it so much and some MIGHT seek help earlier when the symptoms first start sneaking up. It's different for every woman. Sometimes it comes fast and some times it takes DECADES to complete the long, slowing down of the reproductive system. Contrary to popular belief, you don't just dry up and shrivel into a haggy old prune over night. And life does NOT end when the eggs are all gone.

[Warkitty]

All too true. I know it may take me another 5 years or so to go through this process, or it might be like with my Momma where I have about a year of mild symptoms and... done. I know far too many women our age that haven't a clue what's going on and like you I think if more of us actually talked about it instead of hiding it like aging is something shameful, then there'd be fewer middle aged women thinking they need anti-depressants instead of some understanding or a few hormonal supplements.

[joedog]

Aug 3, 2010 16:31:27 GMT -5 Warkitty said:

Guessing my age at five years younger than actual is sweet. The ones that annoy me are the ones that are obviously lying when they say they think I'm younger still.

your 28 right??

[ScarlettP]

Maybe part of the problem is the pharmaceutical companies. They would rather sell us anti-depressants, sleeping pills, skin creams and a slue of other drugs to treat the symptoms instead of a simple soy complex to balance out the cause.

If it makes you feel any better, men also suffer from a drop in testosterone levels, aka male menopause, which makes them feel 'less virile'. The most common drug pawned off on them is Viagra. At least they ARE starting to talk about male hormone levels a little bit. If you think that women don't want to talk about the change - men REALLY don't want to talk about it when their junk don't work.

Guess what? The best 'treatment' for both sexes is often a better diet and exercise. But they don't sell pills for that.

[Warkitty]

You ain't just whistlin dixie, girl! I am always amazed and pleased with the male friends I have that are willing to admit, even if only privately, that it's happening. As for diet and exercise... well now that just doesn't work fast enough for the average human. We love our "quick fix, no work" options. I sometimes think half our nations production is based on providing such. Surgery for obesity, cuz going for a daily walk is too much to ask. Fad diets because eating healthy isn't as good as gobbling nothing but grapefruit for a week on the promise that it'll drop 10lbs off. Between that and the "anti-aging" insanity.. viagra, botox and the like. Just look at all the anti-wrinkle creams, none of which actually work.

So, I guess it's a good thing for industry that we're so freakish, but I suspect there are better things we could have been working to produce.

[Jay]

Aug 3, 2010 20:11:33 GMT -5 Warkitty said:

Like the person that sparked my ire the other day responding to my simple "there is no cure for this symptom, it's a part of being female and growing older" immediately responding with a rather defensive "hey, you're not 81 yet" because apparently admitting you're getting older in his mid-twenties mind is the same as saying you're crippled or something.

Or... Maybe he's just trying to show you the bright side of life. At least you're not 81 yet.

[Justin Thyme]

Aug 4, 2010 8:33:30 GMT -5 Jay said:

Aug 3, 2010 20:11:33 GMT -5 Warkitty said:

Like the person that sparked my ire the other day responding to my simple "there is no cure for this symptom, it's a part of being female and growing older" immediately responding with a rather defensive "hey, you're not 81 yet" because apparently admitting you're getting older in his mid-twenties mind is the same as saying you're crippled or something.

Or... Maybe he's just trying to show you the bright side of life. At least you're not 81 yet.

Okay, if that's the case then he is a nice, cheerful idiot.

He's still an idiot.

The bright side of life is that Warkitty is still a vibrant, active, alive individual who is meeting the natural progression of life in a healthy and mature matter. She is aging, growing older in a very healthy manner without going into denial about it. While these people that are annoying her may believe they are trying to cheer her up the fact is that she is very cheerful about maturing, about aging, about growing old. These people may have good intentions but they are still idiots in not recognizing or admitting to the natural progression of life and are attempting to force her into their denial of the aging process.

Idiots are not to be tolerated, regardless of their good intentions. It causes them to multiply.